Hospice

Being told by your vet that you don't need to come back is a sobering reality. We were basically taking Morey home for hospice care; allowing him to live out his remaining days enjoying as much of life as he still could. We didn't know whether this would be a few days or a few weeks and always in the back of your mind is the thought "Is it time?". With an animal you have the additional responsibility of being the one to decide whether it is time to end their suffering, a horrible decision and yet one that can be the last gift you give them.

Morey enjoying his peanut butter ice cream!

At first Morey was doing well enough that is seemed like a regular visit with my mom. I went to work a few half days while she stayed home with Morey. We didn't leave the house but enjoyed sitting on the deck, cuddling with Morey and being together. Morey decided he didn't want to eat out of bowls any more so all his meals were hand fed. He stopped eating kibble and preferred cooked chicken, peanut butter and frozen pumpkin pops. Morey has always loved eating ice and so he got crushed ice chips several times a day. We had a few friends over but Morey tired easily and so gradually it was just Morey, me and my mom, our world narrowing and time losing meaning except for when it was time to give Morey his pills. Thankfully the weather was nice during much of this time so we were able to split our time between the living room and our backyard, allowing all of us to enjoy a change of scenery!

Morey loved sleeping on pillows!

I was so thankful to have my mom here to help me care for him; otherwise I wouldn't have been able keep him alive for so long. Morey needed care I couldn't physically give and it was frustrating that Morey had given so much to me in his life of service and I couldn't give back to him in return. Once we figured out soft surfaces made it hard for him to breathe Morey spent all of his time on the floor on various different beds and blankets. Unfortunately, it is very difficult for me to get up and down off the floor and sitting on hard surfaces with no back support is no more enjoyable. I would spend as much time as possible on the floor with Morey before my body rebelled and I had to change positions. Morey wanted to have someone close to him and so my mom and I would take shifts in keeping him company and resting our bodies.

Morey slept with Grandma on the floor the last few weeks

My mom took the night shift, sleeping with Morey on the floor for what we thought might only be a few nights but ended up being 4 weeks (bless her heart!). Every night I went to bed wondering if he would be alive in the morning and each morning my mom would get ice from the fridge- our signal that Morey was still alive. As he declined I would lie in bed each morning, torn between wanting Morey to be alive and yet also partially hoping he had passed peacefully in the night.



Although Morey was still alive, I was already mourning for him. No longer was Morey my constant companion, cuddle buddy, service dog, agility partner and go-getter, instead he seemed to have aged from his 8 and a half years to being 12-14 years old. It was difficult for him to get up and down, he was sleeping a lot and was getting picky about his food. Seeing him decline so quickly was hard. He had acted similar to this after his seizure in October and he had recovered from that and so part of me found it hard to believe he was never going to get better. Your head can know something but your heart isn't as easily convinced!

Propped up on pillows

Despite his declining health, Morey still showed glimpses of his personality and attitude. He loved sleeping on pillows and when we would move them to try to use them ourselves he would move himself to still prop up his head on them. He spent a lot of time outside snapping at flies if they came close to him, never coming close to catching one but enjoying the "chase"

He also had an attitude when it came to his meals. He was taking his pills in balls of cream cheese and despite liking the cream cheese he would often play hard to get, turning his head away and sighing before succumbing to the smell and taste my mom would smear on his mouth. He enjoyed eating cooked chicken and kibble soaked in chicken broth and I made more than a few trips to the store to buy chicken and cream cheese.

Morey sleeping on his blue blanket

As the days turned to weeks we felt like we were in a time warp; Morey controlling every aspect of our lives. I was thankful to have the flexibility at work to put in some hours at home and only have to go into the office for a few hours at a time so I could prioritize time with Morey. I can't even describe how much I appreciated my mom putting her life on hold for what turned out to be 5 weeks, but at the time was just one day after another of taking care of Morey. Most people wouldn't have been able to put their lives on hold for 5 weeks and I appreciated every moment I got to have with Morey. It was a strange feeling; hating to see Morey decline, trying to cherish each minute with him and wondering when/how it would end. It was an emotional roller coaster that wasn't particularly enjoyable and yet we didn't want it to end.