A Peaceful Passing

 Don't read this post unless you have plenty of tissues handy...

The vet had told me that Morey would either pass because of internal bleeding or not being able to breathe. Initially when I took him home he bruised easily and had labored breathing at times but once we had him on firmer surfaces and had him on his Yunnan Baiyao Chinese clotting supplement both of these issues seemed to resolve. He gave us a few scares when we thought the end was near but Morey pulled through each time, giving us more precious time with him. As we passed 3 weeks and then 4 weeks and then a month after his diagnosis my mom and I joked about getting a second opinion since the vet thought he would have less than a month to live and Morey had been holding steady for a few weeks.

That all changed one morning when he had another seizure and although it didn't last very long it did appear to leave him with some neurological damage. He had difficulty with balance, seemed to lose some of his depth perception in his vision and stopped eating. My mom and I suspected the end was near when he hadn't eaten much except for ice chips for a few days. One night we were watching the news and the Wheel of Fortune came on. That had always been Morey's signal for dinner time and when I saw him perk up a bit when he heard the music I offered him a treat, not really expecting him to eat it. To my surprise eagerly took the treat and licked my hands for more. He ate several more treats of various kinds and it seemed his appetite was back! Classical conditioning at its finest!

Over the next few days Morey returned to a more regular eating pattern, once again lulling us into a false sense of reality that he was getting "better". We made him a number of tasty treats, including frozen peanut butter pops and kibble soaked in chicken broth, which he seemed to enjoy.

But then he lost more function, barely being able to stand or walk to go outside and it became clear that we had a hard decision to make. It wasn't fair to make Morey suffer because I was too selfish to say goodbye and so I contacted a vet service that specializes in home euthanasia. Setting a time and then counting down the hours we had left together was awful and yet seeing Morey in that state wasn't really what you would call living.

Morey spent his last few hours out on the deck, enjoying chasing flies, and eating peanut butter pops, getting petted and being talked to by me and my mom. Morey didn't like it when we were upset around him and so we tried to hold our emotions in and make his finals hours as enjoyable as they could be. Even in his compromised state, he was still very attentive to me. If I left him he would pick up his head to look for me, listening and responding to the sound of my wheelchair. It broke my heart that even as he was failing, he was still trying to do his job as best he could. Such a faithful friend!

The vet who came to the house was so sweet and made the final goodbye as peaceful as it could be. Morey was already sleeping when she arrived and although he woke enough to take a few licks of peanut butter off a spoon it was actually hard to tell the exact moment when he passed because he had already been so still. I was so glad we got to say our final goodbye at home where we could all be most comfortable. Once he was gone we could let out all our sadness because we knew it wouldn't disturb him anymore.

Morey's wicker basket coffin

At home we always buried our dogs but that wasn't an option for me in Texas. The vet works with a cremation service and they took care of all the details. They offered a "basket service" but I didn't really know what that was until they brought in a giant wicker basket to use to transport Morey's body. They said they have to get them specially made which I can imagine since I am not sure there is much use for a basket that big for other purposes!

Sleep in heavenly peace, Morey!

They loaded him into the basket and tucked him in with a blanket. Although it was sad it was actually very sweet to see my precious Morey tucked into a basket just like a puppy. He looked so peaceful and I was glad to have such a cute image as my last memory of him.

Morey in his giant basket

After more than 5 weeks of waiting, wondering and worrying about this moment it was done. As long as Morey was alive our entire focus was on him but now he was gone, leaving us with precious memories and broken hearts. The thing I had been dreading the most had happened and now we were left to try to pick up the pieces of our lives and move forward.

Rest in peace, sweet Morey! I know you are having a great time in heaven, healthy and happy and enjoying swimming, chasing balls and playing with your friends! Thank you for making my life so much happier and for sharing your joy with so many people! You are already missed!